I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
