May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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