my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
