yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
