My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
My liver just had a heart attack.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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