Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
