someone threw a dead crab at me
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
