I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
