I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
high people should be assigned attendants
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
