So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
