three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize