When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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