she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
