It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
