I need help removing her.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize