May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
