question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
