dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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