I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize