How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
sarcasm needs its own font
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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