Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
