i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
