If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
