things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I need to calm my uterus...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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