o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
