Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
