I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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