hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
