Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
