Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
