Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize