Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
