How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
