omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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