Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
