I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Couch. On fire.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
