just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize