im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
