I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
