girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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