My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
