Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
