I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
