I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
