What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
