matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
