He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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