Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
