he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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