i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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