Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
