He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
