i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
