he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
