google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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