thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
