he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I will be naked everywhere
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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