Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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