She's JV to your varsity
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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