three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize