sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize