That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
