who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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