and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
so much tequila, so little girl.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
