WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
