the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
