i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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